When will it be happen?

Assalamualaikum and Good day.

Today, I would like to be personal. The feeling that I have been hiding for years now.

Sometimes we just left being wondered. When will something be happen? I mean in any situation. Everybody have their own desires and liking. Sometimes, the things that you hate the most is the things that you loved them too much.

Why am I saying that? Well, it happens. Before, I had loved and cared about someone so much. I've even buy him something that relate to us which is quite expensive, which I never done that before ever in my life.Then, crisis begin which has made the no name relationship between us begin to tarnish. After that, I couldn't loved anyone so much like I have loved him. Saying the word love to someone is something that is hard for me.

What makes me suddenly remember on this stuff? Well, when you go on with your life, you will meet all types of people. And learn about their character and behavior.

I am a type of girl who easily feeling insecure about myself. I am sensitive. I am not a totally confident person. I've been punch with words that say I can't make my own decision. That hurts. Lots of trash saying but alhamdulillah, each time I've begin to fall, Allah is there for me and my family is there for me.

Things has happened and I regret. It is not good to say regret, but still there is slight of regret. But I do learn from my mistakes. Now, I realize how much do I make mistakes of accusing him and talk trash about him on so much things. I know how much I hurted him.

I do appreciate him very much. I've ignored and even scolded him about things that I wasn't so sure the truth about it. Yet, he never give up on trying to fix things between us. He has put a lot of efforts in trying to repair our strain relationship although being ignored and being scolded by me. Even on my birthday, he still putting his efforts to contact me numerous time to wish me. I'm too ego back then and yes, I've ignored him. I still take his call but in a ego way. Masyaallah. How rude I am that days..huhu

I am a bad person that days, I've admitted. I've become like that because there is so much love being poured to him. I've never ever feel so much appreciated like I've been appreciated by him. I acted like that because I feel like I'm losing him and I could not bear with it.

Years after years, I've still have the feeling of guilt towards him. He is really a good and caring person. I should have notice that he cared so much about me. But the feeling of jealousy has make things turn even more sour. I've learned that and I thanked him. The things that happen between us has open my eyes about so much things. Make me appreciate more on a person. I've learned too much.

I just want you to know that, I have moved on with my life although I have nobody by my side. So do you as I've noticed you are happy with someone. I am honestly happy for you. Wishing all the best in your life. Hope we can still be good friends.

Although I'm single, I am grateful for that. Because I could not bear to be hurted again badly as before. I will be single as long as I've founded someone that really cares, respect, appreciate and accept me for who I am. Someone who is beriman and can lead the family.

I know that I am not a perfect person to get a perfect guy. But I promised by myself to keep improving and that what I did now. I just want you to know that I apologize for all the harsh things I've said before. Yeah, we can forgive but we will never forget. I just hope for your forgiveness and may we both have a happy life.

It's funny to remember how you could fall for a blur girl like me. haha.

When will it be happen?? The day for me to be totally complete? The day when I will meet my other half? I hope for the day to come and I will wait patiently and always pray for that one day I will achieve the happiness that I've always wanted for. It's just that you just can't forget your first love.

Anyway, Thank you for the all the care and I am too late for not realizing that.

Let's us all move on and forget about the past. We learn from our mistakes. We must learn to appreciate. There's one saying. If you have found something that precious that you like, appreciate and save it. If you get that and you said that I've could get something better than this. Maybe..you will never ever found anything better again like before. Life is karma. You will get what you give. :)