Deep inside.....

Looking at the outside.. I'm a girl who loves to smile..
People always think that I didn't have any problem.. but that's definitely untrue.
Everybody is born with problems.

I'm hurt.
Totally hurt.

Some people indirectly or I don't know if they intentionally want to hurt me.
Maybe I'm too innocent that people think that I'm vulnerable to be hurt.
Maybe I'm a person who easily cry when I have a problem. That is me, and even I tried to deny 100 thousand times, it will never change the way I am. That is one thing I need to accept about myself.

Some people keep ignoring my existence. Planning doing everything together but will want to do things without me. For me, that is too much too handle.

You know how it felt right? When people nearest to you planning to do things but hey they didn't inserted you in the list. How does that feel? Heartbreaking rightt?

But that is one thing I try to overcome with. Sometimes..it hurts too much..
That is one thing that makes me stronger day by day.

Before I keep crying because of what people did to me. But today, I always keep it deep sealed inside my heart. I smiled but with a broken smile.

I laughed heartily with my friends but inside I'm crying like a baby who wanted their mummy.

What I know is that, a friend will always be there for you. They won't let you alone or deserted. They will always forgive you although they know that you do a very bad mistakes. They always advise you to make a better decision in life.

I miss all of my bestfriend. They are the best things in my life. I remember one incident with one of my best friends, we occasionally had arguments, but in the end, it wouldn't last for days. It will be settled up immediately. That's what I treasure most about them. Problems solved in just few days.

I don't know what the wrong doing I did. Maybe I'm a boring person. Perhaps..that's why they didn't want me to join any of their activities together..

How can I change myself? I'm not a person who is so enthusiastic all the time. I'm a more reserved person. Talk when things matters. I don;t know..

More worst, I feel like I am no longer needed in this world. I lost my purpose in life. I always feel like I really wanted to meet my creator. What makes me still strong and keep going to endure this life is just because of my family, relatives and my bestfriends. I don't know what will I do without them. I love them so much till death.

But what I feel deep inside right now is the feeling of loneliness and rejection.. I'm really sad but I will try my best to smile for people.

Because sometimes, a smile hide a thousand of sadness.